Happy Birthday Patrick and One-Eyed Willie!

Man oh man!  I have been neglecting this blog like something serious!  Many things have happened since the last post!  My birthday has come and gone.  I managed to say good bye to 25 and hello to 26 with many friends through out the weekend.  The proudest moment came on Thursday.  I lost 4.6 lbs!  Ahh!  How amazing is that!?  With that, I now weigh 218.6 until the next weigh in.  I've been a little too happy about the weight loss and the birthday celebrations.  We shall see how the weekend really fared this Thursday.  It's been an amazing week so far as well!  I'm going to Maryland for a wedding on Friday and going to see my BFF Sarah!  I wish Diana could be there too!  I've been moved to a very exciting project at work and Walter has received some very good news!  

Now, I just need to focus on staying the course.  I was very disappointed over the past several weeks since I was putting in all this work and not seeing any results.  With this lovely surprise, I calculated that I have managed to lose 10lbs in the last five months which is an average of 2lbs per month.  That's not bad.  Not too shabby!  Let's see where I'll be in the next five months.  Let's just hope we make it through the holiday's!  Ha!

It feels so good to be real

Get Outta My Way!

Ah!  Great Monday that followed a spectacular weekend.  It kind of makes starting a new work week a million times better.  This is going to be an interesting week because MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING!  Woo!  I'm excited!  I managed to survive the weekend food wise but alcohol consumption is slowing my progress by a lot.  I need to steady the pace but this week was an anomoly.  I went out Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday nights.  However, I did manage to lose .4lbs at my last weigh in so I need to keep up the pace.

Which brings up my topic for today:  get out of the way.  With the last few days upon me as 25, I've reflected over what has happened over the past year and I have to say that I am truly amazed.  It has been one heck of a year but I find myself being really hard on myself.  That has been the topic of several phone conversations this weekend with friends and family.  So, my first step was to put up a real profile picture of me.  I have a bad habit of putting up ridiculous photos or pictures that have nothing to do with my face because I feel awkward.  I know I'm not butt ugly but I don't know.  My self esteem lacks in certain physical and mental areas.  Speaking of mental shortcomings!  I went to a women's seminar today and they stressed the importance of getting over the "imposter syndrome".  This happens when you think that you have to do everything right before people discover that your an imposter.  It floored me that every lady (there were about 60) in that room had the imposter syndrome.  Even people that I want as mentors!  It just reminds me that having the right frame of mind and attitude can do wonders.  Once you step out of your own way, you will be amazed at what happens in your career.  

Kylie Minogue "Get Outta My Way" 

So with this parting word, I decided that year 26 is going to be the year of service.  Service to myself, friends, family and the community.  I'm going to start tutoring next week (once I get a student) and volunteering at the local United Cerebral Palsy center.  I must keep up the weight loss and open the blog to more people (after cleaning up the format).  Being more involved in my friends lives and keeping in touch with family more.  These are some lofty goals but I know that I can do it once I get out of the way!  Ha!

Close-bus syndrome

One of my favorite blogs at the moment is Very Smart Brothas.  They have a very amusing view of the dating world, pop culture, and random happenings in the world; especially black culture.  One of my favorite articles is about "close-bus syndrome".  Its an unfortunate situation that I figured out I'm in right now.  Granted, I'm not in a relationship or close to one but I know that I am in this category.  The CBS occurs when you are waiting for a bus but the one that you want is running late or hasn't come yet.  So, you decide to take the bus that will get you close enough to your final destination instead of waiting for the right one.  Its a temporary inconvenience that you rather endure than just waiting.  I'm working on the "waiting" part but I know that with the last few guys I've gotten to know, I've been the close bus.  However, I was doing the same thing to them.  I keep finding myself not taking a risk on anyone because I think that someone better is right around the corner.  Maybe he is but he might be standing in front of me and I'm too distracted to take notice.  All I want is a dryer.  Ha!

Anyway, I feel that I can apply this to my weight loss journey as well.  I keep hoping that the big loss will come immediately and I will reap the benefits but I had to take a minute and think about that today.  At this time last year, I was getting ready for the reduction surgery and daydreaming about how great my life is going to be with smaller boobs.  I will be able to run!  Swim!  Wear strapless dresses!  Only wear one bra!  Lose 25lbs instantly!  I was so excited that I completely overestimated the results.  Now don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with how everything turned out but my physique hasn't changed that much.  Instead of losing 25lbs I have lost roughly 15lbs.  I have had to learn how to lower my expectations because my goals were too unrealistic in a short time frame.  And at times I feel like I have taken the close bus because I didn't reach my goals fast enough.  "This is good enough" is not the best frame of mind to have at the beginning of this journey and now that I think about it, I feel like getting off the close bus now.

Erykah Badu:  Window Seat

P.S.  Amazingly, I finished today at 29 points!  Progresso Light Chicken Soup is the best and instead of walking, I'm going salsa dancing.  Yessss.  :-)

Boyzzz

I wish I knew how to embed youtube videos.  That would be amazing.  Anyway, you will just have to enjoy this link of MIA "Boyzzz".  It was my song of the day.  I woke up to it blasting in my head and drove home from yoga with it on repeat.  Granted, I almost ruined the good vibes by listening to "The Scientist" by Coldplay.  Bad choice.  Just like milk.

Well, Biggest Loser is on and I'm texting Sarah and talking to Diana which was a very good conversation.  I just have to say that I love you both very much.  Enough of the sentimental stuff!  This is what I ate today:

2 cups coffee with creamer = 1pt
1 egg roll = 3pts
1 cup fried rice = 8pts
1 cup general tsos chicken = 16 pts
1 bag popcorn = 2 pts
12oz cherry coke = 3pts

33 points for the day.  But, at least I tracked.  As Diana just mentioned to me over the phone, just make a change if what you are doing isn't working out.  Maybe you need to do three days of yoga a week instead of two.  Plus, Sarah mentioned that if you just taking a walk does wonders.  I've been upping the walk this week.  Its small but eventually I'll get back on the ball again.  This journey is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought emotionally and physically.  Maybe I should train for a 5k?  I hate running...ha!

Happy Monday!  Today was a much better food day.  I ate a hearty breakfast to keep me full longer today:  bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel.  Total points:  9.  Followed with lunch with my Uncle Larry in the cafeteria.  I had 1 cup of chili, salad with dressing on the side, and banana nut bread.  I cruised through 1 liter of water, walked one mile in the morning and another mile in the afternoon.  Dinner was Progresso Light Chicken Noodle Soup and it was actually delicious.  Only 2 points!  Out of control!  It reminds me that I need to buy some more soup.  Its cold outside!  IT'S SOUP TIME!  Woohoo!

In other news, nothing is really happening in my life other than MY BIRTHDAY!  It's next week and I can't believe that I have hit the 26 year mark already.  I've been reflecting on the past year and its pretty amazing.  Let's make a list!

1.  Personal make over:  contacts and hair cut
2.  New boobs!
3.  First international travel
4.  Mom's cancer :-( (but she kicked it in the face!)
5.  First cruise
6.  Yellowstone/Wyoming
7.  Still single
8.  Net loss of 14lbs
9.  Bought a house
10.  Finally started yoga

There are some major milestones, set backs and over all goal accomplishing.  After my disastrous weekend, I know that I can do better because I have come so far and in the grand scheme of things I can do much better.  Ladies, keep pushing me because the next year is going to be another tough one.  Hugs!

Lazy Sunday

I feel like my feet are stuck in cement.  I walked around my neighborhood and could barely breathe by the time I got back to the house.  It was a good 30 minute walk at a brisk pace so I just have to stay focused on improving my breathing.  Which is hilarious since its cotton harvest season and I can barely breathe sitting on the couch.  Ah, the joys of living next to a giant cotton field.

I hope your weekend went well.  Mine was a disaster.  I went to dinner Friday night and ate tapas to the point that my stomach ached.  Saturday, I had lunch with a friend at Popeye's followed by frozen yogurt.  Sunday, lunch at McDonald's.  Complete frustration knowing that I'm sabotaging myself.  Not good for my pursuit of happiness.

I had two big moments this weekend as well.  While out on the town this weekend, my roommate Mindy pointed out to me that, "You can't find someone by sitting in the corner!"  It's true.  Mom felt the need to remind me that, "You don't need to settle for foolishness."  Thanks Mom.  I've been sitting around and thinking about those two moments of truth while watching Hitch.  Today is just a random lazy Sunday...

Pursuit of Happiness

Ah, its Thrustday!  Or at least, that was the joyful feeling I had before my weigh in when reality smacked me in the face.  I gained.  I'm back at 223.2 and I am/was so mad at myself.  I walked out, sat in my car and just stared at a tree.  I think I was most disappointed in myself because for some reason I felt that this should be easier.  The equation is simple: eat healthy + move more + water = weight loss.  We even changed up the work out routine!  I just felt like the biggest failure because apparently what I'm doing isn't working.  But timing was my guide back to reality.  I had to get myself together and head to a meeting so I couldn't dwell on it for too long.  Looking back 12 hours later, that lunch meeting saved me from a grand pity par-tay full of cherry coke and snickers.  In fact, my emotions today went from giddy to anger to sorrow to whatever to encouraged to contentment to hopeful.  I'm going to call this "The Pursuit of Happiness."  I know that its a cliche phrase but for the past few days, between my bajillion repeats of Strip Me, I've been listening to "The Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi.  Granted, his song is a bit more on the negative side but I can relate to the message.  Sometimes, I find myself doing all types of random things to make me happy because I get a fleeting sense of joy and then back to where I started.  If I truly want to make a difference, its all about the journey.  Its the pursuit that makes happiness happen.  During lunch, Morgan told me to get over myself and keep going.  "You have no time to worry about that one stupid pound," she said while I stared at my half eaten sandwich.  "You've come too far to give up now.  It was probably muscle anyway."  That muscle must be pretty developed by this point; its been weeks!

However, by now I'm well aware that today can't be seen as failure because that's not the right way to think about it.  In fact, I've been feeling like a failure because of this plateau and that attitude has kept me stationary.  In order to pursue that happiness, I have to at least move forward and the first step involves changing the attitude.  Hopeful feels really nice right now :-)