Pursuit of Happiness

Ah, its Thrustday!  Or at least, that was the joyful feeling I had before my weigh in when reality smacked me in the face.  I gained.  I'm back at 223.2 and I am/was so mad at myself.  I walked out, sat in my car and just stared at a tree.  I think I was most disappointed in myself because for some reason I felt that this should be easier.  The equation is simple: eat healthy + move more + water = weight loss.  We even changed up the work out routine!  I just felt like the biggest failure because apparently what I'm doing isn't working.  But timing was my guide back to reality.  I had to get myself together and head to a meeting so I couldn't dwell on it for too long.  Looking back 12 hours later, that lunch meeting saved me from a grand pity par-tay full of cherry coke and snickers.  In fact, my emotions today went from giddy to anger to sorrow to whatever to encouraged to contentment to hopeful.  I'm going to call this "The Pursuit of Happiness."  I know that its a cliche phrase but for the past few days, between my bajillion repeats of Strip Me, I've been listening to "The Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi.  Granted, his song is a bit more on the negative side but I can relate to the message.  Sometimes, I find myself doing all types of random things to make me happy because I get a fleeting sense of joy and then back to where I started.  If I truly want to make a difference, its all about the journey.  Its the pursuit that makes happiness happen.  During lunch, Morgan told me to get over myself and keep going.  "You have no time to worry about that one stupid pound," she said while I stared at my half eaten sandwich.  "You've come too far to give up now.  It was probably muscle anyway."  That muscle must be pretty developed by this point; its been weeks!

However, by now I'm well aware that today can't be seen as failure because that's not the right way to think about it.  In fact, I've been feeling like a failure because of this plateau and that attitude has kept me stationary.  In order to pursue that happiness, I have to at least move forward and the first step involves changing the attitude.  Hopeful feels really nice right now :-)