Hey Sarah and Diana!
Since you two are spread clear across the country and I'm stuck in Alabama, I figured this would be the best way to communicate with you both! To be honest, I think this is the most selfish thing that I have ever done. This blog is a cry for help! Finances, relationships and my weight are the three biggest battles I'm fighting and I feel alone. So! This is me standing in front of two friends, asking them to support her. I'm going to try and update this daily or at least several times a week. But for the first entry, I'm going to tackle two issues: Mr. Nawlins and Weight Watchers. Get ready.
Mr. Nawlins
This is a tail of a girl (me) and a boy (Mr. Nawlins). Out of respect to the culprit and the fact that this is going to be posted on the interwebs, I'll only call him Mr. Nawlins because whenever he gets a chance, he likes to remind me that he is from New Orleans. And to be honest, I could care less. Anyway, girl and boy have been chatting constantly for about two months. They have chatted during work on windows messenger, through text message, evening phone calls, and sporadic weekend lunches at Atlanta Bread. Unfortunately, all chats have revolved around Mr. Nawlins. The problem that I am having with him is that he irritates me. Irritates me to the point that I become bitchy and frustrated and act like a twelve year old girl. I know that I am better than this situation but I can't let it go. He says something as a joke and I reply with a scathing remark about his manhood. I can't help it. But today was the worst and the first time that I genuinely felt that I need to let him go. We were talking about one of his personal issues and I gave him advice about how to handle it. He half way listened by half-assing my advice and expecting me to understand why he did it. I came to two realizations: 1) what am I expecting from him; and 2) why am I so upset?
I came to both realizations after weeks of debating whether or not I had a crush on him. I do. Ugh. So, if he doesn't take my advice, why should I be upset? I have no claim to him. But I know that I want something more to our faux friendship. I'm just tired of being that female voice in a crowd full of guys and it falling on deaf ears. Maybe I'm also tired of being looked over in general. Maybe I just need to chill the fuck out and move on. I like the last conclusion best. However, the last conclusion is the hardest to do since he seems to be everywhere. He says good morning as soon as I sign onto messenger (and if I don't sign onto messenger, he'll send me a text or email). He texts me on a random weeknight to see what I'm up to. He joins me for lunch so that I don't have to eat alone. He asks for my opinion on furniture selection and even decided against buying a sectional sofa because I told him not to. What the hell am I supposed to think?! Diana and I had a similar conversation about some other guy (who was that?!) in December. She told me to either pretend to be friends and let him end it or completely cut him off. And I cut him off to the point that I don't remember who he was. Seriously, who was that guy?! I feel like I've been asking/praying for attention for the longest time and now that I get it, I realize that I wasn't specific enough. I need more...
Anyway, I hope that random jargon made sense but I just need some guidance. What should I do? Pull the plug or end it slowly? I know that I need to move on. That's a definite.
Weight Watchers
I'm at a plateau. I weigh 222.6lbs. I've been there for about 3 weeks. At my heaviest, exactly one year ago I was 237lbs. After the surgery I went down to 231lbs and stayed there until May when I started WW at 229lbs. I'm a stocky lady. Ha! But I wanted to put those numbers on the table to show how much of a journey I have ahead of me. My ultimate goal is 128 and if you do the math, I have about 94.6lbs to go. It should take me approximately 2 years to get there; maybe longer at that rate. I need some accountability which is really why I want to do this blog. Once I figure everything out, I'm going to track my progress here as a reminder of how far I have come and a way for you ladies to stay on my case. In the future, I'm going to open the blog up to more friends for support but you two are my bestest and I need you the most. Please let me know if you have any ideas! I was thinking of having a gadget on the side to track my daily points and a weight loss ticker. I weigh in every Thursday. What do you think? Good or bad idea?! TELL ME ANYTHING! Hahaha!
In conclusion
Thanks for reading my very first blog post. It only took me two hours to write it! I miss you so much that it hurts but I'm thankful for the invention of cell phones. One of these days we shall be together again but until then, let's blog it up! :-)
Tiffany! congrats! it takes big balls to put your life on a platter and blog about it. i love you and miss you :)
ReplyDeleteMr. Nawlins:
uhh, yeah. i dunno about this kid. based on what i've read here (and nothing more since i've never heard of the dude {<_<}) he seems really selfish and self absorbed. whether he likes you as a friend or not, i kind of don't like his character. think of it this way... if he professes his undying love for you tomorrow, will that change the fact that he irritates you or half listens? the qualities you describe aren't good qualities of a friend and damn sure not of a more-than-friend. i don't know how you might handle the situation. i would pull the plug, but that's my personality. if you wanted to keep him around just for the lunches at Atlanta Bread, that would be cool. just lower your expectations of him and maybe you won't be so irritated.
Weight Watchers:
i think the daily points and weight loss ticker is a great idea. even if we never read this blog again, you can always go back and see in black and white (or blue font) exactly how far you have come. this is why i keep a journal. every three months or so, i read over my past entries to see any patterns i've made or broken. you can also include pictures of food (since you know i love food porn more than anything)!
BTW, is Atlanta Bread like Panera Bread?
Sawah! Thanks for reading this! I hope Diana will read it too. Mr. Nawlins is a more recent event and I haven't really told anyone about what I thought about him. But, this is the whole point of the blog! I can make sure that I am sharing all the information between you and Diana equally instead of thinking I told you it but really it was someone else. Granted, I'm not sure if I said anything to Diana either. Terrible excuse...
ReplyDeleteAnyway! I do want to add like a separate part where we can share recipes and have food pictures. That would be fun! How do I do that? I need to figure this part out. I made a really good spinach and tomato salad with chicken yesterday. Yum.
Atlanta Bread is just like Panera but I like their food better. In fact, it doesn't even make sense for me to like one over the other since they are EXACTLY THE SAME. Ha! However, when I was completely hungover in the Atlanta airport and waiting for my flight back to Huntsvegas, I needed to eat something that would settle my stomach and the tomato basil soup there tasted like manna from heaven. So, it holds a special place in my belly.
Anyway!